That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
