OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
