You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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