I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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