Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
