I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
