You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
