I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
