White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
