How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
