I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
