Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize