how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
