i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
