Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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