i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
