Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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