Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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