Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
