Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
