I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
