I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
