she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
