Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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