i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
