You just made me feel so damn special
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I checked into jail on foursquare
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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