I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
