please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
