He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
