yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
