I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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