sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
