The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
