I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize