Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
