It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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