maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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