my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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