How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
