Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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