I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
