he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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