i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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