Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
