Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
