I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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