You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
