I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
