why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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