Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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