i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
