I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
