Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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