I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize