dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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