omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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