I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize