Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
