Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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