Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
