I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
