cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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