I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
