I like my sex mixed with concussions.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
